Honest question.

Why do I feel that being 50 isn’t what it used to be when my parents turned 50? Is that my mistaken self-delusion talking or is there a material difference in turning 50 years of age now as compared to say, 30 years ago?

Am I in better shape, health-wise (perhaps not), financially (definitely not), emotionally (ha!)? Do I have a better hold on my life or relationships or future than, say, someone who turned 50 in 1990? Absolutely not. Why, then, do I not feel ‘fifty’?

Why do I feel more energetic, more focused, more aggressive, more willing to take risks, more passionate about my perspectives, more angry, more loquacious, more impatient, and more confident than I felt when it was time to feel all these? More importantly, why do I feel more…hopeful, as if my best days are ahead of me? Like an effing 20-year-old?

Why am I not calmer, more balanced, more stable, more peaceful, more compromising, more soft-spoken, more relaxed, less attracted by speed, form, or style and more utilitarian, less excitable, having an even temper, and looking forward to fading away, like everyone expects me to be? Like how 50-year-olds are supposed to be as per normal societal norms?

Or is it just vanity, and in reality, I am simply an old fart who isn’t able to come to terms with ageing?

P S.: No, I am not fishing for compliments. Honestly. As I said, I am confident of myself to the point of narcissism. I simply don’t need external validation. I truly want to know if I am cuckoo or if this is the new normal. What do you think?