Two letters.

Context: 40+ MLAs of Shiv Sena defected(?) from the party and ran into the arms of the BJP, who has taken them first to Surat and then to Guwahati, to hide from any attempts to wean them from the Anaconda-like hug of the RW ruling party. I, a staunch opponent of Hindutva politics, write to both parties concerned about what I think is good for them. And for Maharashtra, as indeed for India.

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LETTER 1

Dear Breakaway Shiv Sena MLAs,

Remember that fairytale in which Satan makes a deal with you in exchange for your soul? Well, here’s the thing I would like to tell you all who have been undoubtedly promised a shit-load of money (I do not know how much, but I have heard figures ranging from Rs.50 to 100 Crore per head) to defect. I am going to explain very slowly. And you have only one chance to understand (and act on) it, unless you have crossed that line already. So, pay attention.

1. They have promised you more money than you could have possibly imagined. Otherwise, you would not betray Balasaheb’s son and the Shiv Sena. I know this is difficult to hear because you have probably fought a long and losing battle to resist the temptation, but were convinced not just because of the obscene amount but also because of ideological similarities between the ones offering it and your own.

2. Let me first take the ideological issues. Without going into the details and depths of it, let me tell you straight up that you and the BJP are not fraternal twins. In the sense that you have an ideology (however ill-thought of). The BJP has none. Other than, of course, self-interest, self-preservation, and anything that leads to capturing and holding on to power, whether legitimate, illegitimate, moral, immoral, legal, illegal, it does not matter. What matters is the end result, means be damned. In that way, regardless of how I am opposed to your ideology, I must give you the credit for at least considering the means before the ends, something that separates Shiv Sena from the BJP largely. Or at least it did till now. Anyway, forget ideology is what I am saying.

3. Let us now come to money. Yes, now we are talking. It is a shit-load of it, isn’t it? I was right, wasn’t I? OK, you worked hard. You probably think you deserve it. No? I know that in the innermost parts of your minds, you have the imposter syndrome. You think you don’t deserve it. You KNOW you don’t deserve it. But that is exactly what makes it so tempting. You are getting more money than you think you are worth, and nobody but the BJP, the party with all the money in India, could have made that offer and made good on it. You know that too. So, there’s demand. And there’s supply. Why resist? Also, there are others who are doing it too. You aren’t alone. Why be left out? I get it. You want it. I have no problems. Take it. But read the rest of the letter before you do. That shouldn’t be difficult. Deal? OK, moving on…

4. Let us imagine a world where the people who promised you the money are honest and really do give you the money you are to ‘earn’ after you have done the task allotted to you honestly. I know this is a stretch, the honesty bit. But let us work with words loosely here for now.

5. How, have you asked yourself, are they going to get you that money? I mean, taking money without the authorities, or indeed the people, knowing isn’t really new to you. This ain’t, as they say, your first rodeo, or tamasha (let’s use culturally relevant analogies, shall we?). So, what’s the big deal? The thing is that people already know you are taking the dough. You can’t do much about that. And you don’t care. Because as we already established, it is more money than you could have dreamt of making, and if you were never to be elected as an MLA again in the rest of your life, it would not matter a whit to you. So, screw the people. And as far as the authorities are concerned, it is the very people in places of authority that are giving it to you. So, hard to keep that a secret.

6. That said, you will need to somehow take the money without the taxman finding out OFFICIALLY (even if they know unofficially that you have taken it, they have to prove it, isn’t it?). You have to take it without leaving a trail. You have to ensure you don’t have to either explain the source to the Income Tax department or pay any taxes on it. You have to hide the cash physically and the non-cash digitally. In short, you have to take the money without it showing anywhere that you have taken it, nor giving the government its rightful pound of flesh. You have to break the law.

7. But shouldn’t that be easy? Those who make and keep the law are themselves giving you the money. How difficult is it to keep the whole thing under wraps and away from any official scrutiny? Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? Yep. For now.

8. What do I mean, ‘for now’? You see, if the party who controls the Home ministry, the ED, the IB, the CBDT, and every other agency that should rightfully be interested in the illegal and immoral transaction you are about to become a part of, is the party which is the other part of the same transaction, you do realise that they will HAVE all the evidence to prove that you are part of it but will simply CHOOSE not to present it to these agencies or use it against you. Right? But only so far as they CHOOSE to. And that means that by accepting the money and their offer, you are forever handing over a particular political party and its managers control over you and your future life. This would normally be no problem, as with all your earlier transactions, where since both sides wanted to keep the thing under wraps, no one opened their mouths. Honour among thieves and all that. Right? Wrong. Because, as I explained in the point about ideology some time ago, this party you are about to embark on a partnership with has no honour whatsoever. Once you are caught in their net, you are finished. You are their slave. Forever. Suck on that, you who call yourselves disciples of Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj, who taught us all never to bow down to the Delhi Sultanate.

And while you think about it, let me remind you of a popular song you must have sung in your school days. Perhaps, it will jog your memory as to exactly whose descendants you are (and you claim proudly to be even in the name of the party you are affiliated to):

भीती न आम्हा तुझी मुळी ही गडगडणार्या नभा
अस्मानाच्या सुलतानीला जवाब देती जीभा
सह्याद्रीचा सिंह गर्जतो, शिवशंभू राजा
दरीदरीतून नाद गुंजला महाराष्ट्र माझा
काळ्या छातीवरी कोरली अभिमानाची लेणी
पोलादी मनगटे खेळती खेळ जीवघेणी
दारिद्र्याच्या उन्हात शिजला, निढ़ळाच्या घामाने भिजला
देशगौरवासाठी झिजला
दिल्लीचेही तख्त राखितो, महाराष्ट्र माझा

There is still time to retain your honour, you sons of Shivaji. Think. And act wisely. I wish you all the very best.

With the warmest,

Kedar (your ideological opponent)

P.S: You may have crossed the line and made the deal already. But you are smart. You are smarter than most. Becoming an MLA isn’t easy. You could get this far. Figure a way out. Do it. You will thank me later. And your voters will thank you forever.

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LETTER 2

Dear Uddhav,

You are a rockstar. I would never have believed that I would pay even the mildest compliment to anyone from your party or family. But you have surprised me. Consistently. By your maturity, your politics, and your personal conduct. I could not have wished for a better CM for my Maharashtra in such trying times. I am sad to see what is happening to you, even though we all (including you) expected that this day would come, given who you trounced to occupy the CM’s chair in the state.

That said, I think we’ve had enough of the moderate Shiv Sena. There is time for peace and understanding, composure and compromise, and negotiations and communication. That time is gone. The Sena needs to find its mojo. In a hurry.

How can you do that? All your time as the chief of the Shiv Sena, you have used to turn it away from extremist stances and old-style divisive politics, slowly, gently, and in an evolutionary manner rather than by shaking things up in a more revolutionary way, like your father, a firebrand of a leader. And now, here I stand, your ideological opponent, a votary of the INC (mostly, but politically promiscuous, also praising the AAP and the DMK and even the communists at times), hoping you become the tiger every Shiv Sainik expects you to become. And a wounded one at that. In short, you need to come out of your corner fighting. And pulling no punches. Like the Shiv Sena of yore. You need to infuse energy into the cadres. And fear into your detractors. And you need to do that soon. Maybe even as early as tomorrow morning.

Once again, how? Here’s my suggestion: Announce that you are going to walk from Matoshree to Raj Bhavan, a distance of about 10 miles, starting at 10 o’clock in the morning, with your resignation in hand. This would take about 4 hours at a regular pace, and perhaps twice that if what I suspect will happen happens. That means you would reach Raj Bhavan at around 6 in the evening. Even better if it rains and you walk without an umbrella. Is that it? No, there’s more. Don’t walk alone. Make an appeal to every Mumbaikar who is with you, especially Shiv Sainiks, to come and join you on this walk. Take all your MLAs and MPs too with you. Take Aaditya. Take your wife. Do not stop to give speeches. But stop at shops to shake hands, have cups of tea, smile and wave, and reach out to people who are along the way.

What will this do? You know it as well as I do. A million Mumbaikars will come with you. It will be a spectacle never before seen in history. It may stop traffic and inconvenience office-goers. But I doubt anyone would complain (forget the Twitter trolls, nobody cares; the Shiv Sena has brought Mumbai to a grinding halt for far less in the past). Get to Raj Bhavan with your resignation, ideally tired and wet in the rains as forecast for tomorrow, but brimming with energy and verve.

The country will sit up and take notice. The opposition, whether Mamta, or Rahul, or Stalin, will see you with new eyes. Shiv Sena will be re-energised. And your opponents sitting in Guwahati, will all shit in their pants just thinking how they are ever going to step into Mumbai, leave alone Maharashtra.

You may still resign. You may still lose the trust vote. You may not even find the Governor in and may have to return handing over your letter to the staff. You may not be able to stop your government from falling.

But you would become the true heir to your father’s legacy in the eyes of every Shiv Sainik. And a leader Maharashtra badly needs today and in the foreseeable future.

Do it. You have nothing to lose. Roar. Like the tiger you are.

Your party needs you to. Maharashtra needs you to. India needs you to.

With all my love and respect,

Kedar (A doubter-turned-grudging admirer)

P.S: Remember we want nice guys in politics, but we also want them to win. That is something RaGa can learn from you. If you can turn this around. I wish you all the best.