Generalising? Don’t.

Any generalisation of anything regarding human relationships and/or emotions is fraught with danger, for there are so many exceptions and outliers that any exercise in creating an overarching rule is more often than not going to end up ageing like raw milk kept outside in Delhi summers.

Man-woman, husband-wife, parents-children, love-hate, monogamy-poly, jealousy-trust, child-adult, teacher-student, elder-youth, lust-asexuality, homo-hetero-bi-omni, loyal-experimental, contractual-mutual, paternity-doubt, friend-enemy, biological-in-law, de facto-de jure, respect-scorn, good-bad, affection-distaste, genial-irritable, polite-boorish, evil-saintly, rich-poor, employer-employee, vendor-client, provider-homemaker, dominant-submissive, Savarna-Dalit, liberal-conservative, authoritarian-republican, democratic-dictatorial, planned-laissez-faire, left-right-centre, black-white-brown, me too-not all, cat person-dog person, black lives-blue lives, agnosticism-faith, optimism-cynicism, joy-sorrow, and whatever other distinction pair/group you may think of, even true-false, the general rule really is that there is no general rule.

If you attempt to apply objectivity or logic to any of these, you will fail not just in that specific relationship and/or emotion, but in logic itself.

That said, the amount of generalisation I am seeing people make, specifically in the man-woman arena lately (no, nothing to do with the recently deceased Vinod Dua and the accusations of sexual misconduct, though that too), specifically the kind of opinion I am personally a witness to have seen the exact opposite of, is astounding. I find it difficult for me to insert myself in conversations I am not already a part of, or haven’t been invited to, but when I read someone I admire and respect say something so generic as to be obviously wrong (and especially when I know that in cases I have witnessed, and at times been part of), I do not know how to gently tap that person on the shoulder and say, ‘Excuse me, hate to butt in here, but I could not help eavesdropping, and there seems to be another side to this, at least as far as I have seen or indeed personally experienced and am perhaps even at this moment, going through.’

I understand that science isn’t done by anecdotes and personal experiences, but then, relationships and emotions aren’t exactly science, right? How easy it is for third parties who have never experienced something first-hand to make a judgement about something based on their self-proclaimed and arguably lofty principles (gleaned from what they have read and have cherry-picked from there) when there indeed are, at that very moment around them, people who have lived experiences that are being negated and ridiculed by the very statement of virtue signalling that is going around in the echo chamber jerk circle, as people nod their heads sagaciously and pat each others’ backs for things that sound profound and idealistic but actually do not reflect reality in many cases, even around them at the moment they are making a claim to the contrary.

In short: Do not generalise when it comes to relationships and/or emotions. You are most probably wrong.

P.S: I am acutely aware of the irony here. But I still wanted to say this.