A relaxing pedicure? My foot.

About a decade or so back, my second (now ex) wife, Natasha (with whom I had Kymaia, our 8yo daughter), introduced me to the joys of manicures and pedicures. And while I could never get used to the manicure, it was the pedicure that fascinated me. But I could only get it done maybe twice a year or so. Not just because it was an elaborate affair but also because I always wear boots (and sometimes, in formal settings, shoes) outside the house (with a rare occasion for Indian traditional costume, where open-toed footwear is tolerated) and generally have been complimented on my clean feet (by those that have seen them, of course!). That said, I haven’t found the time for one for the entirety of the last 12-odd months for one reason or the other. And what with the daily 10,000 steps, the recent Bharat Jodo Yatra walking of over 100-odd km, the daily riding of 150-200km, and general abuse I put them through, dog alone knows they were badly in need of some serious pampering.

So, when Tashuji called me telling me that she’s bought me a gift session in a newly opened salon next door, I was more than grateful (Yeah, I know we aren’t husband and wife anymore. Yeah, I know we do random kind deeds for each other. Yeah, I know what you think. Nopes, I don’t give a rat’s ass about your disapproval). Cut to 30m later, and here I am, with my feet dipped into warm water that’s tickling me and making me giggle like Kymaia would, much to the chagrin (and surely amusement) of the person tending to my feet.

My conundrum is that as an uncivilised boor who’s never figured out social niceties even in the most benign of circs, I have no clue how to respond to the small talk this person is trying to make with me, with the completely erroneous hope that this (the light conversation) would put me at ease. Au contraire, my skilled and professional friend. Au contraire. I am even more uncomfortable now. I mean, what do you speak to someone who’s cleaning your feet? How does one behave? What are the dos and don’ts? Don’t get me wrong: I know the basic etiquette and am following all instructions, speaking softly, and answering all questions politely. But. I. Am. Unable. To. Relax.

Any tips?

P.S.: To my simple mind, now that I’m out, might as well get a haircut from my regular chap, Firoz. So, I have called ahead, and he said he’ll keep me a seat. By the way, the pedicure costs ₹1,800+GST, without the ₹200 tip Tashuji paid over and above that; my haircut & beard trim, ₹300 (of which ₹110 is the tip).

P.P.S.: I know nobody wants to see a man’s hairy feet, however clean. So, here’s a picture of them immersed in the foot jacuzzi! And now, you can’t unsee this. You are welcome.