How to get to heaven.

Follow the below-enumerated steps:

1. 1. 1. 1. Get real Alphonso from a trusted supplier (it used to be our own orchard before Baba passed, and now it is the Grow in Dapoli ones from Milind Bapat).
         2. These will always come a little raw. You need to know how to ‘turn’ them and keep them in a warm place (not tough to find in a city where it was 40°C yesterday), while checking on them daily, removing the ripened ones and shuffling the unripe. How do you know they’ve ripened? Well, you’ll find a million lists about colour and feel and aroma and everything. Fuck all that. When a mango is ripe, it’s ripe. You’ll know. Trust me.
         3. Find 3 good-sized firm-but-soft, aromatic yellow-saffron-gold coloured ripe mangoes (I literally just told you this doesn’t matter, but hey, what can I say?) and keep them in the fridge overnight.
         4. Wake up early. Clear the sink. Get a large plate and put the mangoes, now chilled, on it. Stand next to the sink either topless or wearing a tee you don’t mind getting stains on. Do not speak. The silence is part of the experience. Look at the mangoes you now have on the plate. Sigh. Now, you are ready.
         5. Pick up one mango. Use your incisors to peel it. Start from the hilum (the point where the fruit was attached to the tree before being plucked) and gently but steadily peel downwards. I get competitive a bit and try and use the least amount of breaks to get the whole peel off. You don’t have to. Enjoy the process. When each piece is off, use your teeth and lips to suck & scrape off the slight amount of flesh that has peeled with it. Waste nothing.
         6. Repeat with the other two. Now, you have three ripe, chilled, peeled, juicy mangoes on that plate. Take a deep breath. Take a moment. Take in the beautiful sight. Take your time.
         7. Pick up a peeled mango. Feel the supple yet firm cold flesh on your skin. Bend slightly over the sink. Sink your teeth in it. Feel the bite explode inside your buccal cavity, spraying the juices and their flavour all over your mouth, your palate overwhelmed by the taste and your olfactory senses by the aroma. Close your eyes. Close your lips. Chew.
         8. You are now in heaven.