Delinking from the Matrix.

I have always believed that formal education with its standardised teaching and testing, as it has existed in most societies (and India is no exception), is deeply flawed and mostly harmful to the growth of a child, unless the child is the perfect average of averages, for which it is designed well. Most children aren’t. They are either above or below the level of learning capability, attention span, interest, and inherent ability to, or even the desire to, understand what is being taught in a system designed for the mythical average. And this means that we keep pushing out cookie-cutter versions of what we think is the median, not even the best. Each generation goes through this grind, and then perpetuates it on the next, with the thought that if we turned out fine, they should too, without (a) realising the flaw in their definition of ‘fine’ and (b) considering that the majority of children didn’t (turn out fine, that is), and have ended up permanently damaged in the bargain.

I have, unfortunately, not had the courage to put my money where my mouth was, and put this into practice.

Up until now.

On Tuesday, the 8th of June, 2021, we took the red pill and pulled Kymaia out of the formal education system. That was the day her school was to start. At 0830h IST. And our last and final discussion ended in a unanimous decision, and much cheering from the child, at exactly 0829h IST, when having decided to go through with it, we slammed shut the laptop lid, broke open some ice cream, and put on music from ‘Spirit-Riding Free’. And danced.

This decision has been thought through, debated (with everyone who has been and continues to be a stakeholder in her life, including her grandparents, her aunts, her coaches, and obviously her, of course), bought into, and agreed upon gradually over the past 3-odd months, and involved long-drawn-out, tightly-contested, and closely-fought battles that have caused much introspection, pain, and stress, but ended with a consensus and a strengthening of bonds, both of which would be much needed in the coming months and years for the growth of this almost-7-year-old child.

We are now officially part of the 15,000-odd-strong tribe of Indian homeschoolers, with many of them coming from Pune.

So, what next?

Glad you asked. Because we have plans to ensure for Kymaia an exciting childhood full of learning, fun, and personal growth.

Why am I keen on telling you?

Good question again. Because we are new at this. While Tashuji has joined various groups of people that home-school their children, this is my way of reaching out to people I consider friends. Our approach to it is slightly different than most parents who have done or continue to do this because there is no standard way of doing this, and we are open to suggestions, even if we may not take them all. After all, the more open we are to listening, the more we will learn. Also, we are looking for tutors that fit our perspectives, schedules, and budgets. And what better way to hunt for them than to put it to the very people who wish you well and are interested in your life (well, I like to think so): My online connections?

Here is how Kym’s non-formal, non-school education is going to pan out, or at least we hope it will:

1. She shall continue to run and work out thrice a week, and do light exercises like going for nature walks (with her Masi), hill climbing (with her Aji and her 4-year-old cousin, Shamsher), and yoga & pranayam (with her mum) for 3 days of the week, with Sunday being her off day. I shall be her coach for physical training. Her thrice-a-week regime involves a 5k warm-up run, 9 short sprints, 100 court runs (on the badminton court we use to simulate the squash court, which is closed as of now), stairs, 30 minutes of HIIT, stretching, yoga, and meditation. I hope to engage a professional athletics coach once we have a vaccine for her age bracket and she has been inoculated with it. She may also rejoin squash and swimming once things open up. But as of now, this much physical exertion should suffice. And yes, she eats (very) well after this, in case you want to know.

2. She shall continue to learn chess under a FIDE-rated international chess player (who is a woman). As of now, she plays only with other kids of her age from around the world on chess.com. But, we are hoping that if she continues to play with the kind of passion we have seen her practice with, she should be able to participate in slightly more open tournaments in another 2-3 years. That is, of course, dependent on her, and whether the fire can be sustained. In any case, learning chess is not so much about playing and winning, but understanding and practising ways to think strategically and execute in an ever-changing environment, of which only a small part is under your control. This should last her a lifetime.

On a side note: The ‘woman’ coach is important since we are trying to ensure she is trained by women, and sees women doing and achieving things that are as varied as possible. She needs the role models and the self-confidence this will instil in her later, as she enters and competes in a male-dominated world, would be priceless.

3. She shall continue to attend the music class where she is training to play the piano over the past month or so. Ever since we discovered that she takes to musical instruments like fish to water, we have been looking for schools that will teach her how to play correctly. We found the perfect match with a highly recommended school and her teacher staying within walking distance.

4. We stay near a horse-riding school, which is currently closed owing to the lockdown, but should reopen soon. Since Kym loves animals, and I know how useful learning horseriding is at an early age (I learnt at 12, quit at 14), I thought it would be perfect for her to go riding a couple of times a week. Of course, this is all dependent on the lockdown ending and sports coaching being allowed to start. But this one is a ‘nice to have’ and there is no hurry.

5. Kym has recently developed a love of reading (better late than never!), and while she is devouring the Wimpy Kid series now, I can see other books (Rowling, Tolkein, Bond, Dahl) over the horizon. We own over 800 books on subjects as varied as religion, history, politics, autobiographies, sci-fi, reference, classics, and fiction. Unfortunately, a rare few are suitable for her age. But leaving them lying around should help (I picked up my habit because my parents had their humungously varied collection of books lying about our home, with no compulsion to try any of them). Of course, I am not expecting her to pick up David Fromkin’s ‘Peace to End All Peace’ and start learning about the history of the West Asian conflict tomorrow, but suffice to say that should she feel compelled to do so, the means are at her disposal.

6. Kymaia’s mother is a master storyteller. She can invent kid-friendly subjects, complex storylines, numerous characters, and elaborate sets at the drop of a hat. She can do voices and imitations, as well as a bit of rhyme and rhythm on the fly. We are planning that little Kym hears lots and lots of stories, some from the classics and some totally made up, with zero expectation of learning or morals at the end of it, except for the twinkle of joy I see in her eyes when she is in rapt attention listening to, no let me correct that, immersed in her mother’s performance.

7. Apart from this, thrice a week, she shall continue to learn the Indian Sign Language, where our objective is not just to ensure that she knows one more method of communication (and kicks ass at dumb charades later in her life), but also opens up the possibilities of friendships with more than 10 million deaf people in India, and gains an insight into their life, thus building empathy.

8. Kymaia loves languages and has an aptitude for them. So, she shall also be learning a sixth language afresh, twice a week. We considered Tamil, Arabic, and Mandarin (because these are not Indo-European languages and will introduce her to new sounds and new ways of communication. She can always learn Latin-based Spanish or French or German later) and have decided on Mandarin. It depends on where we can get the tutor that is best for her, fits into her schedule, and is affordable to us. More on this once we start with her training on this. If you know someone, feel free to recommend them.

9. Kymaia needs to practice and further her training in English, Hindi, Marathi, and Nepali. We are yet to find good teachers for all of these languages, which she already speaks, reads, and writes (with English being the most familiar, and the rest more like distant acquaintances rather than good friends, something we hope to change). We seek your help in finding us these tutors. Ideally, one for English, and another for the Devnagari-based languages. Nepali, she speaks quite fluently since her mum and our employees at home speak that. Hindi and Marathi are where she needs some major push. That said, we are not looking for teachers who will follow the set pattern that is taught in school. We pulled her out because of the whole “In Marathi, a rabbit is called ‘Sasaa’. Come on children, repeat after me: ‘Sasaa.’ Good job.” method of teaching that is ineffective, boring to the child, and cringeworthy to those who actually know the language. We need someone who can infuse love for the language in her rather than teach from a school book. We want her to be able to converse, to read and understand poetry, to be able to see and use nuances, and to be able to wield the tool of language like a surgeon uses a scalpel: with precision and for the good.

10. Science and Mathematics are the other areas in which we seek teachers. I do not wish her to be taught according to any specific syllabus for any particular board, but simply for the sake of knowing science. I teach her some stuff already, but it is neither structured nor regular. So, we are looking for a teacher who will teach her about the physical world (including space, her planet, the basic laws that govern what she sees around her, and generally answer fundamental questions about what and how), the biological world (flora, fauna, environment, human body), and the language of science, which is mathematics (basic arithmetic and geometric shapes, at the moment, nothing more). Please help recommend anyone you may know who might fit the bill.

What can you do to help?

Other than help us find the right tutors from time to time and offer moral support, not much else. We are still looking for teachers for the languages (English, Hindi, Marathi, Nepali, Mandarin) and Science-Mathematics.

Is that all?

Actually no. There is another ace we have up our sleeve, and I am most excited to talk about that. Every 10 days, we are planning a talk by a ‘visiting’ lecturer. This will be a woman of substance who has been successful in her life and career. It could be an astronomer, or a mathematician, or an athlete, or a surgeon, or a military officer, or pilot, or an entrepreneur, or a journalist, or a bureaucrat, or a politician, or any of the thousands of areas where women have excelled.

This one, we will pay for in jams, because we do not think these are the people who earn a livelihood out of speaking to 7-year-old girls and inspiring them. Also, it would only be once and it would have some preparation behind it. We’d be talking about that profession in the lead up to the day, and perhaps looking stuff up online, and reading about it, so that when she is actually in the session, she would already know the basic concepts of what it is that the speaker is good at and why it is difficult to be so. Also, she would have better questions to ask when she is prepared. This would be a one-hour interactive session.

This way, we want to make sure that Kymaia neither lacks the role models, nor the options before her as to what all she could do and achieve. Hopefully, this should last her a lifetime.

And yes, this is one place where we would need your help and active assistance most. Please reach out and suggest people you know who could be our ‘visiting’ faculty. It is literally just one single-hour session. That is all it takes to inspire young people. I am sure most successful women would love to talk to Kymaia and be the spark that could one day, light the fire inside of her to reach out and equal or surpass those accomplishments.

I know what you are thinking now: “Bloody hell! He’s loading the kid with so much shit that she’ll have no life, no playtime, no friends, and will grow up divorced from a social circle and hating her parents.”

I hear you. But rest assured, all of this fits into the first half of the day (for those who want to know, her day starts at 0530h and ends at 2030h, since she was born. Yes, not one single night have we stayed up from day one. Beat that!) and she is free at 1330 or 1400h tops (not including the ‘visiting’ faculty, which may be held on a weekend), to have her lunch and then lounge about reading, watching a film, or (once the lockdown eases and kids start getting inoculated) visiting her friends (we have over 40 kids under 18, of which more than half are under 10, in the society we stay in; that’s about the same number as she would have had in a formal class section in a school) and playing with them in the park. All the way till her bath-dinner-bedtime. So, yes, your concern is valid, but it has been thought of, and resolved.

What do we wish her to do when she grows up? Should she be an athlete or a musician? Should she be a linguist or a chess player? Should she be a careerist or an artist? The answer is simple: How the hell can we know, and why should we decide? Our (Tashuji’s, mine, and every person who has a stake in her happiness) job is to give her the opportunities and find the best way for her to learn as well as create avenues for learning. What she does with them is completely out of our control. Nor should it be upto us at all. All we can hope for is that she learns what she can, and when she is her own girl, attaining majority at 18, she has enough data to take a decision she will not regret. Or will. Whatever. It is her life.

What about formal degrees? We believe that those will become less and less relevant by the time she enters the job market or starts something of her own. In any case, she can always appear for her boards externally, and then decide if she wants to continue into the formal system by signing up for a degree. We are going to leave that to her.

Do we have a Plan B? To be honest, we ourselves do not know what we have gotten ourselves, and our kid, into, nor how it may end. But we are going to give it our best shot for the next year or so. If it all comes together, excellent; we’ll keep going. If it does not work out for whatever reason, putting an 8-year-old back into school is the least of the issues.

How much money are we planning to spend on this? Isn’t this atrociously expensive? Yes, compared to regular school (even when you add up the bus, uniforms, and various unplanned expenses that schools force you to spend on), it is still about 4-6x the cost. We do not have that kind of resources to throw at this experiment. But we are just going to start on this and figure out the rest later. I am sure things will work out. And even if they don’t, they might ‘not work out’ in some spectacularly interesting fashion from which every participant in this experiment may learn something fantastic. So, in that sense, while there is a downside, I believe it will come with its own lessons that we all may not be able to learn otherwise.

To end this, let me quote my father, my Superman, my inspiration and spark, my guide, my ideal man, the human I carry within my genes, my Baba, “There’s a never a right time to live or wrong time to give; there’s no ideal age to marry or weight of baggage to carry; never the perfect moment to become a father; never the perfect plan to go into battle; you’re never too old to fly nor too young to die. If you wait for the moment or hope for a heads-up for life or death to happen, you’ll miss most of the fun. Don’t wait for the world to be ready. Go when you are. It is always perfect.”