Forget Rahul.

Saito: “If you can steal an idea from someone’s mind, why can’t you plant one there instead?”
Arthur: “Okay, here’s me planting an idea in your head. I say to you, don’t think about elephants. What are you thinking about?”
Saito: “Elephants.”

Even when the bhakts and the liberals, equally want Rahul Gandhi to go away and leave them alone (each for their own reasons), they cannot but keep coming back to him. He is like the elephant in the room. And everyone, their uncles, and their dogs cannot keep talking about him. I think it is time to forget Rahul and move on. He has. You do too. Unless you love him so much that you cannot stop thinking of him. In which case, #WTAF?

The truth is that bhakts need him. If there was no RaGa, they’d have to invent one. So, to everyone who has any advice for what he should or shouldn’t do, say or shouldn’t say, here’s how you look (and sound) like:

Everyone, their uncles, and their dogs: “Rahul Gandhi should get out of the limelight, he should have no security cover that wastes taxpayer money, he should resign from all INC positions, he should not meddle in national issues and only focus on his constituency, and he should stay in Italy or Europe or Thailand for the most part, thereby letting the Congress become truly democratic or die, both of which he should not bother with. As for becoming PM, the faster he forgets about this dream the better. He has no role to play on the national stage. Bloody irrelevant dynast!”

Rahul: Doesn’t raise any issue with the withdrawal of Z security cover. Visits Waynand often, talks of the issues there, raises questions in the media and Parliament, speaks when allowed, resigns from all INC posts, does not give interviews about the party unless specifically asked for, does not speak on behalf of the party, tweets something human, something funny once in a while, drives his mom to the hospital, puts up videos of his pets, holidays in Europe.

ETUATD: “Where’s Rahul? Why isn’t he showing leadership? Why isn’t he in Delhi? Why isn’t he leading peace marches? Why isn’t he at President Kovind’s door? What example is he setting in the INC? What kind of a politician is he? Pappu! Pappu! Pappu!”

Rahul: Tweets wishing everyone a happy Mahashivratri! Also, let’s not lynch Dalits.

ETUATD: “Who is Rahul Gandhi? Bloody irrelevant, powerless, impotent, nepotistic, soft-Hindutwavadi, 50-year-old virgin, living off his family, which is actually Roman Catholic Kashmiri Muslim CIA Soviet ISIS KGB ISI communist capitalist dogs born of Italian waitresses and bar dancers.”

Rahul: Tweets about how protests are a sign of a healthy democracy and urges restraint and non-violence.

ETUATD: “Yeh sab Congress ney karvaayaa hai. All this money for rioting has come from the Gandhi family and their Yuvraaj. Why do you think Rahul is in Europe? They are going to destroy and partition this country. Don’t underestimate them. They are very powerful. Hindu khatre mein hai.”

Rahul: Remember Judge Loya!

ETUATD: “Rahul kidhar hai, you Pidi? Ha ha ha. Rahul Europe mein chhupaa hai. Ha ha ha. Did you just see the joke I made on “Pidi”. Was that witty or what? Total LOL. Rahul. Rahul. Rahul. Pidi. Pidi. Pidi.”

Rahul: ______

ETUATD: “Why is he quiet? Why doesn’t he speak? This is the problem with our opposition. He should really get out of the way if he can do nothing. Pappu.”

I say, bloody schizophrenics, all of them.

Focus on the state administration of Delhi and the police, which are under the Union Government.

Focus on the poison being spewed on WhatsApp.

Focus on the toxic seeds you sowed in the 1990s which are now giving you a harvest of a deadly murderous crop.

Forget Rahul Gandhi. He is gone. Just like you wanted. If you cannot see a knight in shining armour and insist he play the role, sorry but you missed that bus. Let him be. Find someone new to save you.

Shouting about him will only make you look like a raving idiot.

But then, that isn’t probably very far from the truth.

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