Stuck in a convoluted pose of our making.
Educated but parochial. Also, dichotomous in the belief that ‘If you don’t have a degree, you are worthless.’ to ‘I never let schooling interfere with my education.’ to ‘Look at X. He didn’t need to go to school to become a great <fill in the blanks>’ to ‘Of course, I went to Yale, but I cannot talk about it or show you my degree because it is unimportant.’
Zealous of their freedoms but at the forefront of denying others the same rights. Oscillating seamlessly (and shamelessly) between ‘India is a democratic country. I have a right to believe and to share some Whatsapp forward about Nehru being Muslim.’ and ‘She wrote about free sex. She got shot. She had it coming.’
Casteist at home but the first to shout ‘racism’ abroad. Also, marriage is about ‘families’ and ‘culture’ and ‘shared values’ but wanting to date a white woman if they can get one.
Well-travelled and well-read but only taking whatever strengthens their narrow xenophobic outlook or validates their deeply held beliefs and rejecting everything and everyone else.
Extremely bipolar with ‘nationalism’, swaying from ‘India-ki-Army-Dhan-ta-Dhan’ to ‘Nothing will change in this country’, from singing the national anthem full-throatedly at a movie theatre (popcorn in hand) to looking for a green-card holder boy/girl to get married to.
Regressive in thought & action but seemingly progressive in words. Facebook posts full of the poetry of pain and subaltern solidarity but ranting about reservations and speaking with more than a tinge of nostalgia about the time when their grandmother used to be so respectful because ‘ghoonghat’.
Blind to the dissonance of bribing a cop or a municipal official on one hand and joining IAC marches with Gandhi topis on the other. Also, saying things like, ‘He is an Income Tax officer. Upar ki kamai kaafi hogi’ with more than a tinge of envy.
Highly selfish, self-centred, and patronising to others who are not privileged, but swaying between, ‘I never negotiate with vegetable vendors. They are poor farmers.’ to ‘The farmers march to Mumbai was organised by communists’ to ‘Why do these people need reservations? I am casteless.’
Superficial in the knowledge of literally anything and hence, easy prey to obfuscation, superstition, astrology, homoeopathy, Vedic maths, mind control, black magic, etc, even while taking pride in the achievements of ISRO, DAE, BARC, and the IITs.
Xenophobic, other-hating, narrow-mindedness hidden in almost transparently silly statements (which they fully believe in) like, ‘But I have Muslim/Hindu friends’ or ‘But I love biryani/veg food’ while constantly referring to ‘them’ and ‘in their culture’ in private conversations (and sometimes, through Freudian slips, in public too).
Possessing pseudoscientific and obscurantist beliefs like Mughals being ‘outsiders’, national monuments being ancient temples, ancient Indians having cracked nuclear fission or plastic surgery or inter-planetary travel, and so on. Believing honestly that all that needed to be discovered/invented was already done by the ancients and others (Westerners) have stolen our ideas and not given enough credit. All this while applying to Google and Microsoft and Apple and American Universities.
A deep-rooted inferiority complex of having not achieved anything themselves cloaked by arrogance and pride about some ancestors in some lost ancient time, or even some ancestors a generation or two before them.
Living off one’s surname, a multi-generational privilege of caste, ancestral (or at least paternal) wealth & fame, and claiming to be ‘self-made’ while mocking others who are also living off their surname, privilege, and ancestral wealth.
Having vulgar (and I mean this in the most technical senses) tastes but masking them by claims of being sophisticated, all the time mistaking sophistication with snobbery.
Despite having used government subsidies, better roads, power, employment opportunities, superior education, technology, communication, transport, water, food, along with an increasing PPP and per capita income, and longer & higher quality (and expectancy) of life over the last 3 generations, and not being interested in taking the trouble of reading even the most basic history, claiming how India was run down by the previous generations and how the founding fathers were idiots when compared to their own (clearly) vast intelligence, wisdom, and foresight.
Believing in everything they read online, specially PostCard News and OpIndia. Idolising narcissistic TV anchors and bombastic politicians, and hating anyone with a worldview, culture, and civility, in the name of ‘We have always been tolerant, but now we must become aggressive, because (obviously) all that we need to do is peacock our achievements, without actually having to achieve anything. It is the PR that is the problem, not the reality.’
Using abusive language in normal life, online and offline, threatening others with sexual assault, proudly exhibiting raised testosterone levels by challenging others to physical fights and duels, specifically targetting women, while all the time claiming that in their culture women have a pride of place and are in fact, considered divine, assuming this argument to be a get-out-of-jail-free card that allows them the license to get away with it.
Constantly questioning other people’s allegiances to their nation, society, gender, religion, caste, race, region, language, even dietary habits, and appropriating the position of the judge, jury, executioner, and the final word in drawing the line as to who fits in and who doesn’t.
Using bad grammar and syntax, all-capital typing, SMS language, and writing local languages in Roman script (without standardised spellings), and mocking anyone who doesn’t understand it or points it out as a ‘Grammar Nazi’.
Creating false equivalencies and other logical fallacies on the fly, without ever understanding either the question or bothering to create a coherent answer, and then indulging in self-righteous bluster ending with a (to them) conciliatory ‘All X are the same’ or ‘Your X is as good as my Y’ (with the X meaning the subject under discussion and Y being neither connected to X nor being of any consequence to the discussion at hand).
Yes indeed. These are the new Indians. The same as old Indians.
P.S: I will keep adding to this. There are too many, to be honest.
P.P.S: I am sure I exhibit some of these traits. Without doubt. I accept that I am not perfect. Far from it. Your turn.
