The new meaning of Indlish.

“Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us
can make epigrams” – Somerset Maugham…touché!

Douglas Adam’s book, ‘The Meaning of Liff’, is a masterpiece, though most of the stuff is too topical and too brit-oriented to be as funny as it probably was once. I wanted an Indian twist to it.

• INDLISH (n.): Indian English, not to be confused with Americanese or Englandish, which is a bastard tongue derived from hundreds of colonial languages mixed with Latin(?).
• KKKIRAN (n.) One who is obsessed with SRK and his coterie of Karan Johar & Co.
• DUHFER (n.) One who responds with a ‘duh’ to portray a sense of superiority with sarcasm.
• BLOOK (n.) Reading material for lavatories.
• FACEBLOOKING (vb.) To update one’s profile while sitting on the pot.
• iSTUD (n.) An Apple show-off.
• WIRKING (vb.) To shirk work in a way that looks like working.
• SPEEKING (vb.) To take a quick look (a sneak peek) at one’s watch (for example, by pretending to brush off non-existing lint from one’s trousers) without the speaker noticing that you are bored and want to leave.
• SPUNNING (vb.) To create a pun intended to impart an unusual spin to the meaning of a word, thereby making the creator feel tickled at his own witticism.
• MARPLACTICE (n.) What a Chinese doctor can be accused of.
• BRIDGY, BRIDGIER, BRIDGIEST (adj.) What a windy day can be in Bengal.
• BREEZE (n.) A span covering two points across a Bengali river.
• RESONIATE (vb.) To go on about being a good soldier for the party and how High Command’s decisions are final since they come from ‘Madam’
• CONGRASS (n.) What holy cows eat in Delhi.
• RETYRE (vb.) To put on weight after retirement.
• MALAISEMENT (n.) That part of the management one is not a part of and can therefore be conveniently blamed for the current problems in the organisation.
• PHANTOME (n.): A new author’s imagined masterpiece that s/he’d write and sell millions of copies.
• FANTOME: Tomes written by Fans, hoping to ride on another’s glory and be noticed (by Avi Das).
• WHITEBORED (n.): The state of mind of an employee who has been in a staff meeting for the past 2 hours staring at meaningless presentations. Also see MALAISEMENT.
• IIMPRESS (vb.): The act of letting the listener know subtly (?) that one is an IIM alumnus.
• iCON (n.): The act of declaring oneself as a ‘rebel’ and then selling a closed system that forces the user to spend more and more money to use it.
• ANNACRONYSM (n.): What Team Anna and their fans are good at.
• ASSTUTE (adj.): What Kim Kardadshian is.
• ACUMEN (n.): The intuitive feeling or sixth sense of women about lechers.
• DUBYOUS (adj.): An overwhelming inclination to believe that God speaks to the President of the USA and asks him to go to war.
• PRESIDENTAL (adj.): Monica Lewinsky getting the complement “That’s the best set of teeth I have ever come across” from her President.
• MISOGYNAEC (n.): A Japanese doctor who hates women but loves soup
• SALMANAC (n.): A calendar full of blockbuster hits.
• MAYALOMANIAC(n): someone with an ego big enough to spend millions on a monument to self (by Karthik Iyengar).
• CLIPTOEMANIAC (n.): A compulsive filcher who only pinches nail cutters.
• PUNDITTY (adj.): Applied to people who keep playing with words to sound funnier.
• WOEMEN (n.): A group of wives cribbing about their husbands, boyfriends, health & reproductive problems, domestic help and diet.
• POLLYTICIANS (n.): A group in Delhi parroting lines given to them by ‘High Command’.
• HANGUNDER (n.): The withdrawal symptoms felt due to lack of alcohol in one’s bloodstream.
• CEREAL KILLER (n.): A person who murders a corn flake (by Nikhilesh Begur).
• iTEMS (n.): Apsaras entertaining Steve Jobs in heaven.
• MASTER-BERRIER (n.) – A person who keeps fiddling with his black berry in the hope that it gets turned on! (by Anish Bhatia).
• BLACKBURIED (vb.): What happens to a person using a ‘normal’ phone when his/her employer gives him/her a BlackBerry.
• DELHI BULLY (n.): An Indian Member of Parliament.
• TWIRL-FRIEND (n.): A girl who’s got you wrapped around her finger.